I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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