I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
