i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
