I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
