I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i am craving dick and cupcakes
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
