I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
