Only a mothe r could love this liver
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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