I will die if light touches me.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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