when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
