you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
