I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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