I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
