Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
