You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
