I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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