You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
