there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
