ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
