dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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