We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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