You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
