Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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