I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I bet he comes in French.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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