dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
