just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
