would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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