i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
