Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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