cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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