He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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