Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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