no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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