i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We need to rekindle our bromance
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
