shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
