Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
