I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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