there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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