Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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