I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
