Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
