You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
