i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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