How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
