You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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