I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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