So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
