I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Blow job season was short but glorious.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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