My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
