There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
