i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
