some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
