WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
