I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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