this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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