So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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