hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
