Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
