I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
